Oh boy! Where do I even start? I guess that I will start with telling you why I am even here. I am on this route on The World Race because Jesus told me to be. I was worshiping and seeking answers in Woodland, Washington at The Promise. The Promise is an amazing church with a bunch of crazy’s like me that know how to worship. I would go up there to seek the Lord and get filled. While in the middle of the beautiful chaos they call worship, Jesus spoke to me. Not audibly, but distinctly. He said to me, “Choose the route that ends in Africa, because you will never want to leave and part of you never will!” These words spoken with grace to attain them, became a promise that I would hold onto. When it got hard, I would remember that I hadn’t even gotten to the reason I was on this eleven month journey of brokenness and flames. I didn’t truly realize how big it really was until I stepped foot in Kenya, where I write this from. I realized that very first day, even though exhausted from extensive travel and little to no sleep, that my Daddy had just fulfilled the first promised I had ever heard Him speak to me! That ladies and gents is an incredible feeling. It made tangible the things that I knew in my mind about His goodness and faithfulness! That’s kind of a big deal! I am actually getting hit with the truth of the matter. All I had to do to receive this amazing promise, was trust Him and walk the path He’d laid before me. This has really gotten me excited to receive the promise that He has next for me! I think I might have to write a book about that promise (if she’ll let me)! One of the best lessons I have ever learned, He can’t not be faithful!
Africa is a fulfilled promise from the Lord and in a lot of ways, has extremely overwhelmed me. As I write this, I am absolutely an emotional wreck and yet better than I have ever been in my life. I am working with a man name Moses, who carries the title of Bishop. This title means that he oversees multiple churches (I think 7) and works with other Christian operations around Kenya. In our three weeks here we have: prayed for the sick in a local hospital; worked alongside selfless Christians at a children’s orphanage/school; and done door to door evangelism in which Jesus showed up, healed and brought freedom to His children! We have made relationships with some truly amazing African’s. They carry a joy that can only come from Him.
One of my favorite things, is how no matter where you are going, you will most likely have an entourage of children following you. If you turn around, look them in the eyes for too long, or try and get near them, they will run. It has become a pretty great game. This actually comes because of one of the hardships of Africa, poverty. It is everywhere and in your face. It isn’t one of those infomercials with the swollen bellies anymore. It’s real and it can get overwhelming because there is so much of it and so little I feel like I can do. I am so glad that my God is bigger than Africa! He had to remind me of this after I had prayed for countless people for provision. He had me write it down even. “My God is a God of endless provision who provides for His children!” If I do not hold onto this truth, there is a strong possibility of losing hope, which is not an option.
I have heard so much talk of how exhausting Africa is for missionaries. I think that it has so much to do with this. I have only been here for 3 weeks and I believe Africa to be the place where missionaries come to die to themselves and find out (possibly the hard way) how there is no way we can do it in our own strength. Our strength stops working when we try to do the impossible and it is at that very moment that we must call upon Him or utterly fail. It is the beautiful dance that has called upon every ounce of my faith and then made me cry out for more when I come to the realization that I don’t have enough.
My favorite thing about Africa is the worship! There is a spirit of worship here that has been an amazing thing to experience and I have not gotten the full scale experience yet. There is something about the way that they worship here that breaks chains and bestows freedom! It is so good and I want more! I crave it! I have found myself dancing and worshiping all by myself in the middle of the day. There is so much more to come and already I find that as I write this, I need to write more. I am working on another blog at the moment and actually mulling over a third in my head. So there is more coming soon! Next week we will be working with street children, who have been imprisoned by poverty. My hope is to show them Him Who is Love!
My Sweet Sweet Jesus,
I miss you when You are right next to me. Some might take this as me being unsatisfied with You, but I say that the sheer magnitude of how You so comletely satisfy my soul makes me hunger for more of You. When Your Spirit manifests in my life, I get hungry! He has been around a lot this month. You are being super sweet on me and I rejoice in Your love. Yesterday I woke up and danced with You. I want to dance with You more Jesus. I want the freedom You keep speaking over me. Why, do I care so much about what others will think of me? The more that I am with You, the more my mind recognizes how You never leave. I am coming into agreement with this absolute and in so doing, feel Your Presence more than ever! You never left the Presence of Your Daddy and I don’t want to either. I know it is possible and I want it. I want to always see the fiery flame at the center of Your gaze.
It has been a hard month and yet it has been one of the best of my life. It’s funny how it works. There is so much to learn from You and sometimes I want it now. I have to remind myself that You know what I need and when I need it. I feel different, Lord. I feel like in a month labeled Unity by most, you are drawing me away. Where are we going? I must trust in You or perish. I love how You are showing me the dance of life. How sometimes, though it might feel and look like I am taking a step backward, in actuality we are dancing. Our dance might seem random and scattered to most, but You are starting to show me the beautiful design to it all. How You have thought out every single movement. How at first, I would step on Your feet and go the wrong way. But as I start to embrace Your lead and trust in You, it begins to make sense and flow more naturally than I could have imagined.
As I continue to ask for more of You and less of me, I find myself lacking old desires and wants. As I spend more and more time with you, I find that there is not enough time in the day. My days begin to overlap and I have begun to even forget what day it even is. I have to sit and look at the schedule for a moment and remember what I did yesterday to identify the name of today. Only in the Kingdom, can I feel more alone than ever and yet, feel You with me more than ever. Or feel completely misunderstood and fall asleep with a smile on my face because there is one that does understand. Thank You so much for her, Jesus! I am forever blessed, forever grateful!
Jesus, I love you more than life itself! I want to give myself over to Your River. I want to dance with You in green pastures, even when You say rest. I love You more than life itself! I love to sit in Your stillness! Your goodness tastes so sweet and I crave it! You fulfill! You are faithful and I love doing everything with You! I give You my life! More than ever before, I feel the willingness in my soul to make room for you at the expense of what I use to think I wanted. I love You more than life itself!
It’s time! Jesus keeps saying this to me about a number of different things! It’s time for men to be men. It’s time for B Squad to rise up and know that they are royalty. It’s time to say what I am supposed to. It's time to walk in a revelation of truth and identity. It's is time to stop trying to control God. It's time to give Him complete control! It’s time to say goodbye to Asia! It’s time for Africa! What?!
Asia has been incredible. My heart has been completely broken and put back together more times than I can count. Thailand, Cambodia, Viet Nam, Malaysia. These were all just names on a piece of paper standing between me and Africa four months ago. Now they have faces and memories and tears and names of loved one to represent them. They have personal struggles and corporate struggles to mark them. It has been a wild ride and I can’t say that I enjoyed every minute of it. But I am thankful for every minute of it!
As this season passes, as the leaves turn, I can’t help but look back at all the vibrant colors that they carried. Asia taught me some tough lessons. I saw a new type of poverty and oppression. Before, I had heard of how a gross number of the world tries to survive on one US dollar a day, but it wasn’t real. Not to me. Now names and faces replace statistics. Now it’s real in a way that stirs up soul and spirit.
Asia is also the center for human trafficking. It is absolutely mind blowing what happens almost unchecked. It has become so normal. Cambodia really stole my heart in this way. This is where my eyes were open to horrifying truth. Asia has so many sexual strongholds, but in Cambodia they have infected the culture. It is normal for the men there to buy sex every day. In fact young men are encouraged to get practice in before they marry. Sexual molestation by parents is normal. You might actually even see young boys being fondled in public when they start crying to get them to stop. Girls are sold as young as five for sex and babies are sold as commodities to become slaves. Don’t get me wrong, there are so many amazing people, but the country is in a war for its life and God is about to pour out His Spirit in an extremely powerful way. It is going to be good.
The strongholds really messed with me. Jesus had me interceding against them and in turn, I was extremely attacked and found myself falling asleep in prayer some nights. I would have dreams of men who were traveling in for the sex industry. These dreams were unpleasant to say the least and actually brought shame until I realized what was going on. Jesus wanted me to pray for these men. I started to and the dreams stopped. Now I don’t know how you explain that from the Bible, but I know it happened. Or wait, does that mean that I am an old man? What I now realize is that the enemy was exposing cracks in my armor. Cracks, that once exposed, Jesus and I got to close together. Asia tried to kill me, but only made me stronger in Him and so much more dependent on Him. So Asia I thank you for the good times and bad. The struggles and the victories. The hard lessons and the slap in the face by reality. I thank every single one of the strong men and women of God that I met along the way. You are incredible and do His work with joy and discipline that inspires!
I have had a lot of expectations for Africa and what it will be for me. I release them to Him. I have been recharged and rekindled with a brighter fire than ever before. The only expectation that I carry into Africa is that my relationship with Jesus is going to continue to grow in intimacy no matter what. There is an increase hitting my life that I don’t even truly understand at the moment! In fact I just wrote that, during the revelation of the increase. Thank you Jesus and yes I would love more! I am hungrier than I have ever been for The Spirit of the Living God! I want Him and need Him. It is a relationship that I am learning to steward and prioritize. My hunger for Him expects His Presence. So Africa, get ready cause I am!
Uncomfortable situations motivate us to call upon the Lord for wisdom and strength. Why is it then that we seek out comfort with such intensity. We strive for it, to the extent of throwing others down to get to it. Is it because, we don't want to be reliant on Jesus? I think that most want to be self sufficient and not need help from anyone including and especially Jesus. I am learning that uncomfortable situations are becoming a place where I am comfortable. Through leadership, brokeness, and failure after failure, Jesus is showing me how fleeting comfort truly is. I want to lean so heavily on Him that I cannot function without Him.
Solomon said, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
Jesus holds everything together whether we acknowledge it or not. Do you trust Him to provide the next meal and in the same regard, do you trust Him to fulfill your biggest dreams? Are you partnering with the dreams He has put in your heart? Can you rest easily in the promises of the Father? Rest is a gift and important beyond words. Can you attain it? Can you wade through all the crap that this world tries to throw on you and rest in His Presence? That crown of thorns that He wore for us represents the thorns of this world trying to choke out your life and suffocate your mind from the things that He has for you. He wore it so that we wouldn't have to. It is time that the bride of Christ take off the crown of thorns that she was never intended to wear!
Rest is one of the greatest gifts that He has given us. On the seventh day He rested because it is good! Here is where that trust comes in. Do you believe Him when He says it is good? Contentment is a lesson that Jesus has been teaching me on this race. Being content with where He has me even when I don't understand why He has me there. Trusting that He sees all, knows all, and wants the absolute best for me and everyone else. Taking that a step further and trying to find what He has for me in every breath whether my flesh wants me there or not.
Rest rejuvinates our spirit, sanctifies our flesh and edifies our being. Sitting in His River and letting Him wash away the dust is so important and so many have no idea what I am talking about. Abiding in His Presence. Not feeling like you need to do anything, but receive everything He has for you. When I try to do things in my own strength, I run dry and fail miserably. Maybe not at first, but it is inevitable. When I am working in His Strength, heaven comes to earth and lives are changed forever!
The definitions for abide on Dictionary.com
1.) To remain; continue; stay: abide with me
2.) To have one's abode; dwell; reside
3.) To continue in a particular condition, attitude or relationship
A goal for us should be to fully abide in Him! In order to abide, we must be content with where he has us. If you are not where he wants you, go there quickly! In order to be truly content, you must trust Him with everything. In order to trust Him, you must believe that He is always good. Have you tasted His unfailing love? The sweetness ushers in trust! They dance hand in hand!
The question that God is asking you is, "Do you trust Me?"
It has been a minute since last time I wrote on here. I have actually been journaling a lot more and so my writing time has become more intimate. I think it is a good step for me. I am actually writing every day and “processing” so much more. I put the quotes because, not too long ago, I wasn’t much of a fan of “processing”. I was a full speed ahead kinda guy! Let’s take it head on and go straight to the next thing in line. If I need to go over it again, He will bring it up. Looking back, I know that this made my best friend a little anxious sometimes. Her name is Rachel and she has walked through the better part of my redeemed life with me. She is an amazing woman of God and I am absolutely in love with her! Her example and inspiration has been influential in me learning that processing is a mature function that when used while sitting with Jesus is a huge catalyst for growth. Needless to say I have been doing a lot of processing of late. Jesus is doing so much in my heart and it’s incredible. Jesus has actually been using Rach to guide me towards the man of God that He created me to be. It is such a beautiful thing and I am so thankful for her!
A very common prayer for missionaries is, “break my heart for what breaks Yours”. He did. My heart has broken for the way that women are being treated all over the world and in essence have been treated most of existence. I wrote about this in one of my recent blogs, Man of God? He has been speaking to my heart about how this travesty will begin to stop when men begin to take responsibility for their actions.
This month on The World Race, we are doing manistry. This is where you split teams by gender and on our side of things you end up with a bunch of men doing “man things”. Mostly throwing around giant boulders and taking shots of @oystersauce. I apologize if the reference slips past you. Tonight, we watched a sermon by Mark Driscoll called The Porn Path. If you haven’t seen it, you need to. Christian or not, watch it! If you have or plan on having children, watch it! If you are breathing right now, watch it! Porn is a huge problem! I would know. I was addicted to porn for close to 15 years. Not many knew. It is something that the enemy likes to keep in the darkness and continue to use against you. In fact I think this will be the first time most of my family even hear about it. It perverts the truth of how God intends men to treat women and even look at them. It controlled my life and left me as a shell of a man. It is also spiritual kryptonite. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was crippling my spirit. The very part of my being that God created to run point in my life. I have been free for almost two years and yet it still tries to haunt me.
Jesus did some work on me today. If you don’t know me, I am a very spiritual person. I love my Holy Spirit and I love sitting in His presence. I was doing just that when I started to think about the sermon Ryan mentioned we were going to watch tonight. He said that they interview a former porn star that has found her way back to Jesus. Images started coming to the front of my mind and I started to freak out a little bit. Here I am sitting in the presence of the Lord, the holiest of places for me, and images and memories from my past sins are trying to haunt me. I didn’t like it one bit. At the same time, I felt like the Lord wanted to do something through it. I heard Him tell me to go have Jake and Thomas pray for me. I walked in, told them nothing of what was going on, and asked for prayer. Their words, led by the Spirit, brought strength and confidence to me. I went back to my sleeping pad and lay down. I don’t think that I ever really left His Presence, but I fully immersed myself into it none the less. He then said to me, “I am going to perform surgery on you”.
The next three plus hours were intense to say the least. Fully vulnerable to Jesus, memories started to come up. Memories and images that would have usually brought shame and guilt among other devices of the enemy. There was no shame. There was no guilt. My deepest darkest sins were being placed seemingly between me and my Jesus and each time, innocence and freedom was the answer. For hours so many things were brought up that I could not have possibly brought up with my own mental capacity. It seemed as if time stood still as I sat before the Living God and He plucked instance after instance of sin out of my brain and said, “this won’t keep you from Me either!” There was a point where I lost “consciousness” and yet I don’t believe that sleep had over taken me. When I came to, I felt so clean and holy. Memories had literally been washed away!
In the sermon, Mark Driscoll says that science has proven that porn and anything related to it, causes new neural pathways to be created in your brain. These pathways are sort of a fast track to lust. Now while he was explaining the science of it, I was getting hit with revelation. Jesus walked me down these very pathways, dug up the root and throwing the root on the fire, started the process of closing them for good. Now this might sound crazy to some if not most of you, but I know that Jesus can do anything! I say started the process, because I feel like there is even more to come. He is purifying my mind!
The testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy! This means that what He does for me, He can do for you! Freedom is coming for men around the world. They are starting to rise up and grab onto their destiny. He is opening our ears and eyes to the cry of His heart and things are changing. The winds of revival are shaking the very foundations of the Earth!
Women, pray for your future! Pray for the man He has for you! Your prayers for him are more powerful than you know. Jesus gave me a really awesome revelation. Rachel’s prayers for me while I was still lost, had a huge impact on bringing me out of my mess and starting me on the paths of righteousness. Even to the point of partnering with Him in keeping me from dying a couple of times! That’s huge! Thank you, woman of my dreams, for the part you have played in my freedom and redemption!
This is something that my squad leaders put together!
Disclaimer: If you choose to watch the video above, you are making the choice to open your heart and ask yourself, "What can I do to help?" This may require a little sacrifice and we have no way of keeping you accountable but we ask that you give generously.. Thank-you and Enjoy!
Half way has come and gone...
Adventures have been lived...
Relationships have given us purpose...
The Spirit has sent us for whirlwinds....
The Father has prepared the way for us...
Worship has left us undignified before God...
BUT...
WE NEED YOUR HELP!!!
This is a cry out for support!!!
B-Squad has stood together through so much and we know that we are to finish this journey together. Every member serves as a piece to the Kingdom Bringing, Life Altering, Spirit Breathing, Love Giving and Good News Preaching that this journey and our squad have to offer.
We have had the opportunity to play with toothless kids, witness miracles, see people come to know Jesus, help each other become closer in our own walks, offer our bodies to grueling physical labor, laugh with people we have come to love but the following people need your help to continue and finish the Race...
Read their blogs and choose to support and fight for them! The amount is how much they have left to raise.
I am going to get real with you. I want to talk about men of God and what that even means. This is something very close to my heart and it’s mainly because my Lord put it there. I think that everyone on planet earth could tell you about who a man of God isn’t. I feel like as a whole we have given ourselves a bad reputation and thrown away trust and honor. A man of God honors and respects women. A man of God loves and protects women.
I am not condemning anyone here. God knows that I have played my part in this tragedy. Have you ever led a woman on? Have you ever left her crying or just plain left when you’d lost interest? Have you ever yelled at a woman? Have you ever manipulated her or betrayed her trust? I would have to raise my hand to all of these. The choice is yours to change how you act and live. I choose to be who He created me to be.
One of the greatest things about the World Race is the role that I get to play as a brother in Christ. My job is to show my sisters that there are men out there that love them without wanting anything in return. My hope is that as I walk with Jesus in righteousness, the wounds and the mistrust will be healed.
Jesus says that we are not of this world. Well this world is about mass producing sex like candy. Whether we are a part of it or not, it wants to suck us in any way possible. There is a game that society and this world plays that makes us disrespect ourselves and each other. The devil has put a spirit of confusion over this world to the point of people doing the opposite of their feelings. Why is it that in today’s dating culture, if you have an attraction to someone, you act like they don’t exist? I feel like dating has become a wild scramble of, “maybe this person will work”, when in reality you have given them a piece of yourself before you even knew who they were, ending in heartbreak. This has become a revolving door of heartbreak and desperation.
I feel like we have lost the meaning of honor and respect. I believe that God has someone for us. I don’t think that it’s necessary to find that person to live a happy life. I do believe though that there are things that He has for us that cannot be obtained without the person He intended for us. One of them is a love that most don’t even know exists. I didn’t…That being said, I believe that most if not all of the problem is that so many are barking up the wrong tree. That woman might not be married at the moment, but His plan isn’t for you to sleep with her a few times and then leave. If you put it into kingdom terms, that girl is someone else’s future wife and your sister. She is someone’s little girl and she is to be cared for and cherished. Whether she knows it or not she, deserves respect.
Guarding a woman’s heart for her is something completely new to me. It is so important! We are called to do this. Have you ever stopped and thought about your intentions? If they were pure or not? Why are you saying what you are saying to her? Is it to affirm her and love her well, or is it a good line that might lead to what you think you want in the only way you know how to get it. This walk I am on is teaching me that I was created to love and respect women especially the one He has for me. I have come to a realization that I have a responsibility to guard each and every woman’s heart that I come into contact with. The ones I am closer to all the more, because they are the ones that my words and actions have the most influence over. As men we have power that we have been abusing for far too long! I believe that women are born with a desire for a husband and that desire can make them vulnerable. We take advantage of that desire and run rampant with it. What if men only pursued with the intention of loving her as well as he possibly could. What if whether she is beautiful or not, men didn’t see women as trophies to be had? I know that a lot of the women that I have come to know and love wouldn’t have as many walls up. I have looked into their eyes and seen the pain caused by other men that could have so easily been the man I used to be.
There are absolute truths that I think we need to regain as a whole that would change our lives. Here is a couple. God is good and always will be. He has a plan for us that breaks the realm of our thoughts into pieces. He wants to bless us and is worthy of our trust. I know that before I trusted Him, I was looking at every woman that walked by to see if she was the one. I had to learn that His plan for me was better than anything I could think up. He knows my type better than me, because He knows me better than me. Do you trust that He will show you who He has for you when the time is right? Have you been striving so adamantly to find that special someone that you have lost your way and fallen into a trap of lonely despair?
I think that a big part of this whole mess is that we do not own up to our responsibilities as men. Adam blamed Eve in the garden even though it says that he was with her while sin was getting a foothold on mankind. I spent most of my life turning a blind eye to what I knew was right. We are supposed to lead by example and in turn even if she wants something else, do the righteous thing. It is time for men to rise up, grab on to their birthright and be who He created us to be.
I pray that this cry of my heart become contagious! With my limited audience, this may only reach a few, but I hope that maybe one guy will feel a pull on his heart to rise up.
As for the ladies, you are to be cherished and respected. You are worth it and deserve a man that will treat you the way the Lord would want him to. Don't settle. Trust that He has someone for you that will surpass your dreams. Trust that He will reveal him to you when the time is right.
I have walked through the fire and come out the other side just to turn around and with a smile ask Jesus if I can go again. When I am in the fire, it’s not fun. In fact, it’s so hard that I break, but the fruit is so worth it. I actual need Him to continue to remind me that I asked for it.
At the beginning of this race I was actually trying to pray away the trials and tribulations that my team was walking through individually and together. I would now label this as an injustice to them and a misuse of my authority in prayer. God loves us more than we can even imagine and yet our comfort is not His main concern. I have been asking the Lord to teach me how to become a good husband and father. This has actually become one of my biggest prayers and a huge emphasis on my life. I want to be the man that He sees me as for my future family. He has shown me so much by the way that He fathers. My story is a good example. I was on the wrong path for years. My initial reaction to this would be to want to force change, but the Lord did it differently. He walked alongside me through all of my wanderings. He loved me where I was at and essentially guided me back to Him through love. I have no doubt in my mind that there were a couple of times that He stepped in to keep me safe.
As I walk along this journey that He has me on, I meet fear head on. There is so much opportunity to be fearful in life. Fear serves only one purpose; to keep us from what God has for us. It is from hell and one of the devils favorite agents. It is a lie and an illusion. Yes, we are supposed to use wisdom and heed His voice, but when we let fear control our actions, it’s time to recheck our hearts and trust in the One who created us. I am called to bring light to the darkness and that could be translated as dangerous situations. The safest place for me to be is in obedience to the Father. On the Race I have been in dangerous countries were poverty has brought lawlessness of sorts. I write this from a “closed” country still dripping with fear. I saw a murderer in Honduras receive forgiveness and ask the Lord into his heart. Some would say that I was an idiot for just talking to him. The devil wants to use fear to keep us from the "really bad" places, because he knows that revival is crying out for God to wash down upon these places. Tragedy either hardens peoples hearts or inspires necessity for the Holy One to rush in and rescue us. I prefer the latter and that one happens when people are obedient and do what the Lord asks. Trusting that He is enough to protect us and or guide us through the turmoil. Trusting that He wants the best for us, has a plan, and wants to bless us.
We head to Africa in a little under two months and I am stoked. I feel like Africa will be the culmination of my trip. That He has been preparing me for it all along. I used to be crippled with fear. Now, I walk in the understanding that He has me where He wants me and there is no place I would rather be. Destiny is something that the Lord has been speaking to me lately and I was squandering mine until recently. Some would say that Africa is the most dangerous we will see. It’s interesting because I know some people that have been in Africa for over two months now(shout out to A-Squad) and all I am hearing about is the awesome things that God's doing. The kingdom pouring out like a rushing river and salvation and healing filling the streets. I guess you could look at it either way, but I choose to look at a “dangerous” situation as an opportunity to see Jesus do what He does best.
I can honestly say that except for a certain chicken bus ride in Guatemala ;) I have felt safe everywhere that we have gone. We have a huge covering of prayer that is powerful beyond words. He sent us, provides for us and will protect us! I know this to be true!
